Where are the Joneses?

The story so far…

Dawn and Ian in the carDawn Jones’ Mother sadly dies, leaving her with eight grand and a death bed revelation. Her Dad was not her Dad, her real Dad was a sperm donor. Visiting a Doctor, she manages to get hold of a list which tells her she has 27 siblings. All from the same generous sperm donor. She sets out to meet them all.

Dawn’s first sibling contact is Ian, who decides, after initially running away, to join her on the quest. After an interview in ‘Take a Break’ magazine, they are accompanied by documentary filmmaker, Jonti Bloom.

First stop Brighton, to find Cherry Ledojo (who Ian already mysteriously knew). Having breaking in to her flat, and finding her gone, Dawn divines, via Ian, that she is working in Amsterdam. The trail then leads from a Vegetable Auction Museum to a Man in a Windmill and from there, south.

Roger Logg, MEP, with Dawn and IanOn the way through Brussels, Dawn and Ian look up another sibling, Roger Logg, MEP who, after a rocky start, decides to “feast them up Logg style”. After spending time with him, they feel that they’d be robbing the EU of a valuable asset if they allow him to travel with them, so let him down gently.

The quest continues through France where they meet another sibling, Jean Jamboneau, a free spirited, artistic, generous fraud. However, the real Jean Jamboneau is less welcoming having returned home to find them squatting in his house.

Dirty wrongSo they drive down through Paris (where things went dirty wrong) and on to Madrid, Spain, where Dawn and Ian decide to get business-like. They create a brilliantly successful marketing campaign, run from their car, to find the next sibling, a sister, Snowy Saltamentes. An appearance on an English speaking Spanish radio station brings forth Snowy’s Mum, Angel. They meet up and she breaks the unfortunate news that Snowy has been killed in a car accident. After spending time together, Dawn and Ian named the car ‘Snowy’ in her memory.

Carston's knifeBy chance, Carston Whelk, another sibling (‘King Prawn of Alicante’), also hears the radio appeal, and invites them down to the Costa Blanca to visit. After days of fun in the sun, it becomes clear that Carston is not really ‘King Prawn’. Mr. Whelk ends up as prawn toast, as Dawn and Ian set off again – this time on the run.

Crossing into Italy Dawn becomes convinced that they are being followed and finally in Rome she confronts their tracker – with an aerosol flame thrower. He turns out to be Roy, a friend of ‘The Man Who Brought Ian Up’, who during a tug of love, nearly persuades him to return home. Roy relents and lets Ian go with Dawn and Monty, sorry Jonti.

Talking of Jonti. Our award-winning auteur, who shoots all formats, drops the bombshell that he’s leaving for a “show”, and is being replaced. The replacement, Michael J Knight (Mikey), appears to be slightly more ‘professional’ about the documentary film-making process than Jonti …

List of siblingsJonti having left, the new trio drive on to visit another sibling, Eanie Mancini. A particular favourite. Then a chance encounter with a bottle leads them to Croatia on the trail of sibling Zzarbur Cerebus, who gives them a very, very precious gift.


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