40: The Communications Officer

Introducing Ian, the Alistair Campbell of the Jones campaign.

Logg Goodbye

I drank a lot of different alcohols last night and I think I am still drunk, because I still feel focussed and perceptive. For example, I always thought people who owned more than one pair of shoes were either vain or indecisive, but I now see the value of a second pair: back-up.

Roger Logg has my clogs, and I regret binning my long brown canoes in Amsterdam.

A Proper Princess

For once I thought about myself and had a massage. So sue me. Top Amsterdam beautician Tamara made me feel like a million dollars. I went into that shop with the weight of the world on my shoulders but left feeling like a proper princess (the sort that doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty with charity work / poverty).

Love & Light

Dawn x

The Vegetable Auction Museum

I’ve been to every museum in Amsterdam and environs and at least three of them were brilliant, even though I only got to go in one. In order of preference I would put them at:

3. Energetica. Through the window I could see bits of giant machines and an antique radio. A good start for a museum.

2. Museum of Our Lord in the Attic. Not sure which Lord they’ve got up there, but am assuming it’s one of the less omnipresent ones. Thoth would be good. Or Hanuman.

1. Vegetable Auction Museum at Broeker Veiling. I’ve read a lot of speculative fiction, but nothing could prepare me for this. Remarkable.

Also, Mr Van Loon of the Houseboat Museum was very kind. Is he related to the Van Loons of the Museum Van Loon? I’m assuming a schism.

18: Sniffing About

Jonti Bloom is beating new paths in quality entertainment. Today I’m following some bloke and his sister as they wander around Amsterdam in search of a girl whom both of them know isn’t even in the country.

I’ll dust off my dinner jacket for award season, I don’t think!

17: Anything in common?

I have somehow managed to blag a meeting with a Dutch light entertainment powerhouse.

When I phoned them the other day the receptionist told me that their creative director Kip De Groot would be ‘thrilled’ to meet me and listen to my ideas. I’ve got an inkling she misheard my name, but either way, Jonti Bloom has a foot in the door.

Small problem, my meeting’s tomorrow afternoon and ideas are a bit thin on the ground.

So far all I’ve go is a vague notion about celebrities and their pets swapping places, inspired by a dream I had in which I found Gerry Halliwell squatting in a garden. Does anyone have a suggestions please?

16: The Ian’s New clothes

Ian spent a lot of our time in the flea market looking for the fleas. I could have told him that that would have compromised my integrity as a documentary film-maker.

2unlimited

Were 2Unlimited from Holland as well as Rembrandt? They always seem friendly, even when they were saying there were no limits, which I found a frightening prospect. There are limits, and they’re for our sake.

15: Van Gogh’s Cherry

Let it be known that this documentary will not be going anywhere near the red light district of Amsterdam. The reason for this is complex, well, it’s not actually. It’s fairly simple. I was the director of a hidden camera show in 2002 “shag and shoot” which involved British celebrities visiting prostitutes and running off without paying. Suffice to say that Jonti Bloom is persona non grata in the area and will be camera operating with his hood up.